Dearest Leo,

Today is Halloween. Technically, it wouldn't have been your first since you were born on Oct 22 of last year...but it would have probably been the first that you would have dressed up for.

It's been a while since I celebrated or really got into Halloween. It's not really an important date for me. It was different this year though. This afternoon, at the office, I saw so many cute babies and kids dressed up in the costumes. I saw parents so proud of their little munchkins, taking pictures and showing their kids off to others. The kids were adorable, all of them...and somehow, that made me sad. The worst, was went I went downstairs, near a daycare, and saw about 200 kids getting ready for a Halloween parade. It was a bit too much for me. It felt so unfair that all those kids gets to dress up and go trick or treating and that you can't. I felt angry at all those parents flauting their perfect children. I felt like screaming "I can't take my child trick or treating because he's dead". I just wanted to get out of there.

I didn't think Halloween would affect me so much. But here's yet another example of how sadness and pain can just sneak up on you when you least expect it.

Halloween, which was historically called Hallow's Eve or All Hallows Day, is meant to be a day where as a day dedicating for remembering the dead. So I guess that technically, I have more reason to celebrate it than the other parents. I am spending my Halloween thinking about you Leo. Thinking about what life would have been like if you were here today, thinking about what you might be doing right now, and thinking about the day we'll meet again.

Happy Hallow's Eve.